a year ago today.

a year ago today my precious emerald was born. i can still remember the relief of that final push and her soft squishy body being placed on my bare chest. it was magical. despite all the pain, that moment was beautiful. i remember trying to deliriously feel to she if she was a boy or a girl, but thankfully Matthias was right beside me to let me know. a girl!? we were shocked and so very happy! emerald was born just after sunrise after making her way down the birth canal all night before. it was glorious. we had turned our phones off much, much earlier and it was just us and our new baby and the midwives tending to us. we even forgot to call family until hours later! you were that good, emerald! you were beautiful. staring up at me with your big eyes! you were big!! 9 pounds, 8 ounces, 22 inches of baby!  i remember how amazing i felt once they told me how much you weighed, that i had you at home! i think your birth is a good reminder of who you are to me. very difficult at times, but all unto a purpose, and so amazing! so surreal, so wonderful!

there are not words to convey the emotions i feel right now, typing this alone in the living room while you are asleep in our bed. being your mom is wonderful. you are wonderful. i see Jesus in you (and how you need Him too!), you have tought us so much. there is so much to say.

i love you emerald! Happy birthday little girl!